1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (a passage we've all heard at some point) talks about what love is...it is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. God is love, so this passage defines Him and how He is with me. He waits, patiently. He never gives up and He's right here with me through everything I put myself through from my own decisions. I'm supposed to become like Him. I'm supposed to walk in that same love, in every area of my life. Accepting His love covering me and forgiving me, in turn I'm supposed to love the same way He does...humbly, gently, passionately, and mercifully. You would think that being a mom that that nature would naturally come out of me. However, I had put myself on a feminist path to "showing" others that I can be strong & make it on my own (for the most part). God asked me, "Cassie, do you want to be successful and acquire a level of independence for yourself and essentially end up alone, or do you want a home and a family, a life full of love, My love?" When He asked me that question it stopped me in my tracks. Nothing can replace Gods love. True love. No amount of success will work. There had been a hole in my heart that I was trying to fill with something tangible, humanly acquirable. All the things I have thought that I wanted in life were for all the wrong reasons. Reasons the world defines as OK. My answer to that question used to be, "to be successful and independent, moving higher to better "places" in life"...but He's showing me that there is so much more than success and independence. Answering honestly...I want a home full of His love. I want my home and family to be the world that God uses me in to demonstrate His love.
After being honest with Him in my answer, God said, "Okay, Cassie, what spirit are you bringing into the home you have now? Is it a spirit of love, compassion, peace, and joy? Or is it a spirit of discontentment, anger, and "Ugh, I don't have time to deal with this tonight"?" BAM! Reality check. Truthfully (in tears), sadly, I've been the latter. Deep in me is truly the desire to to be a woman that brings home love, compassion, peace & joy. I want to become like Him. And in order for that to happen I have to change my way of thinking, how I act, what I speak and how I speak it, how I carry myself and handle others...I have to transform my mind with His love...I have to act on situations more like He would, instead of reacting in my own way...I need to be patient with my daughter when she's not understanding instructions the first time. I need to be more gracious to the old lady checking me out at Walmart. I need to be kind to my co-workers and the person that just cut me off on the highway. I need to be gentle with anyone I speak to. I need to be compassionate to others in need of encouragement...You get the picture...By changing my thoughts, my actions will follow...by doing so I know that His fruit will ooze out of me, (Galatians 5:22-23) He will produce in me: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I want my home to be overflowing with these fruits...in order for that to happen I need to change. In Romans 13:8, God says that I owe nothing to anyone-except for my obligation to love others. If I love others, then I will fulfill the requirements of Gods heart. I will become more like Him, genuinely.
I'm so thankful that He is breaking my self-destructive way of thinking...I'm so thankful that He is softening my heart...I'm so thankful that He is changing me into the woman He created me to be. I'm letting go of all the "things" that I've wanted for my life for so long and letting him start to drop in the desires He has for my life. Believing in and operating in Gods love is truly another world to me now. I know I will be tested, but I know He is engraving His words on my heart & helping me to change. Thankfully He has given me a perfect example to follow in Proverbs 31:10-31, to teach me how to run my home and how to operate in His love. I need to focus on love. Pursue it. Practice it. Study it. Grow up in it. The more I meditate on this passage and on His love and practice it in my daily life the more & more I will become the woman He wants me to be: loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle & self-controlled.
It's amazing what God can show you when all you have is Him to turn to. When your world is shaken and you have nothing else to grasp hold of. Past "good places" you've been in before in your relationship with God just aren't enough to try and pick yourself back up to try to get you through this fall you're currently in. Yes, you have friends that love you and are making themselves available, that are actively reaching out to you...but even that's not enough. This time things are different. This time it's only God who's hands you can grab onto and have help you up. This time the only words that will cut it to carry you through this fall are the words God has been patiently waiting to share with you. When you are finally ready for them they will flood over you like a tsunami. The brunt of them are overwhelmingly powerful but in the aftermath His words and our spirit are working together to rebuild you and the blessings of them become divinely sweet.
The above is a definition of what has been going on in my world the past couple weeks along with the change in the season. My world has been shaken, but this time the only words that I know will cut it and truly get me back on my feet are the words God has been waiting to pour over me...now I'm finally in a place to be able to listen to Him...He's been speaking so many things into my heart this week, so I will only share a little bit...For those of you that know me and have walked with me through tough situations in life know that I'm a very proud person, so to share how God is cutting through my pride and humbling me isn't easy for me to put into words so just bear with me...
I have always thrived on a fast paced, "always moving forward to better places in life" type of road. I have been a stubborn headed strong willed woman with a confidence that couldn't be broken down. I have always loved to have fun and be the center of attention with a natural flare of seeming as though I don't even notice that I am the center of attention (if you could follow & understand that I commend you). Always carrying myself as someone that was untouchable and unbeatable. Head held high and a big smile planted on my face. Success (by the worlds standards) was something I had always craved on an ungodly level and in all the wrong areas of my life...until now.
I have always heard the scriptures about Gods love, and for most of us its the first topic you hear about when you first give your heart to God, or in my case rededicate your heart to Him. Gods word says that He is Love. It also says that when I give my heart to Him I am supposed to become like Him. When I made the personal decision to give myself to Him, I was accepting that responsibility of His calling on my life. Which means I needed to be willing to change in order to fulfill His calling. That's where it stopped for me. My heart was in the right place, but my mind was not in line with my heart. Since my mind wasn't there, I couldn't truly change. Sure, I got involved in church & serving to become connected with other believers and I was holding it together through some tough situations and hanging onto the words of many around me that I knew loved me and loved God...but my thoughts needed to be renewed (transformed-and that is something only God can do)...my mind wasn't connecting the dots between Gods love for me and that's the same love that He wanted me to walk in to truly be changed from my past life to what He has for me in the future. I still had this hard headed, success driven, untouchable/unbeatable, 'moving forward to better' type line of thinking. Also, thinking that soaking in 'all things positive' (scriptures, quotes, encouraging articles, etc.) would do the trick and keep me moving forward toward a successful life.
One morning last week I woke up really early and couldn't go back to sleep, so I started scrolling through my bible app and wasn't sure what to read. I saw Haggai. Never read it before...never even heard of it, so I chose that to read. I was in for a treat. God showed me exactly what I need to do in order begin the transformation process...I don't think it gets any more blunt than this. If you get a chance to read Haggai, please do, it's only 2 chapters but jam packed with great instruction & encouragement.
In Haggai 1 God is trying to shake their world by saying: “Why are you living in luxurious houses while my house lies in ruins? 5 This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says: Look at what’s happening to you! 6 You have planted much but harvest little. You eat but are not satisfied. You drink but are still thirsty. You put on clothes but cannot keep warm. Your wages disappear as though you were putting them in pockets filled with holes! 7 “This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says: Look at what’s happening to you! 8 Now go up into the hills, bring down timber, and rebuild my house. THEN I will take pleasure in it and be honored, says the Lord."
In order to truly change, I need to rebuild this temple of the Lord (me). I need to lay a new foundation in my heart. I need to be strong for His spirit is with me, He has always promised to be with me. In rebuilding this temple (me) God says in Chapter 2 vs 9 that He will fill it with Glory. He says that the future glory of this temple will be greater than its past glory (completely new and fresh) and in this place He will bring peace. So by keeping my focus on Him and meditating on His word, God will not only be with me and help me to rebuild this temple and lay a new foundation in my heart, but He will make me greater than I was before. As a side note He reminds me in vs 15 to "look at what was happening to you before you began to lay the foundation of the Lords temple." I need to remember where I came out of and the poor choices I made...remember so that I don't fall into that same place of sin, that same line of thinking. After rebuilding this temple I don't want to turn around and destroy it again by making the same mistakes.
In vs 18 He says to think carefully and remember this day that I have chosen to commit to rebuilding His temple and laying a new foundation in my heart. In the next verse He says: "I am giving you a promise now while the seed is still in the barn. You have not yet harvested your grain...But from this day onward I will bless you...I will make you like a signet ring on my finger...for I have chosen you." I will have divine favor over me. He is setting everything into motion that needs to be in place in order for me to succeed!
I know it's easier said than done...It's hard to change old habits and the way I have always thought, but I know the more & more I meditate on His words, the more I'll be transformed. Once He has a solid foundation in my heart then He can work with me on becoming more like Him in nature. A topic that I will blog about in a few days. I'm thankful that I can move into the future non defensively knowing that He is here with me, guiding me on how to rebuild this temple for Him.
