Learning to Change into Love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (a passage we've all heard at some point) talks about what love is...it is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. God is love, so this passage defines Him and how He is with me. He waits, patiently. He never gives up and He's right here with me through everything I put myself through from my own decisions. I'm supposed to become like Him. I'm supposed to walk in that same love, in every area of my life. Accepting His love covering me and forgiving me, in turn I'm supposed to love the same way He does...humbly, gently, passionately, and mercifully. You would think that being a mom that that nature would naturally come out of me. However, I had put myself on a feminist path to "showing" others that I can be strong & make it on my own (for the most part). God asked me, "Cassie, do you want to be successful and acquire a level of independence for yourself and essentially end up alone, or do you want a home and a family, a life full of love, My love?" When He asked me that question it stopped me in my tracks. Nothing can replace Gods love. True love. No amount of success will work. There had been a hole in my heart that I was trying to fill with something tangible, humanly acquirable. All the things I have thought that I wanted in life were for all the wrong reasons. Reasons the world defines as OK. My answer to that question used to be, "to be successful and independent, moving higher to better "places" in life"...but He's showing me that there is so much more than success and independence. Answering honestly...I want a home full of His love. I want my home and family to be the world that God uses me in to demonstrate His love.

After being honest with Him in my answer, God said, "Okay, Cassie, what spirit are you bringing into the home you have now? Is it a spirit of love, compassion, peace, and joy? Or is it a spirit of discontentment, anger, and "Ugh, I don't have time to deal with this tonight"?" BAM! Reality check. Truthfully (in tears), sadly, I've been the latter. Deep in me is truly the desire to to be a woman that brings home love, compassion, peace & joy. I want to become like Him. And in order for that to happen I have to change my way of thinking, how I act, what I speak and how I speak it, how I carry myself and handle others...I have to transform my mind with His love...I have to act on situations more like He would, instead of reacting in my own way...I need to be patient with my daughter when she's not understanding instructions the first time. I need to be more gracious to the old lady checking me out at Walmart. I need to be kind to my co-workers and the person that just cut me off on the highway. I need to be gentle with anyone I speak to. I need to be compassionate to others in need of encouragement...You get the picture...By changing my thoughts, my actions will follow...by doing so I know that His fruit will ooze out of me, (Galatians 5:22-23) He will produce in me: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I want my home to be overflowing with these fruits...in order for that to happen I need to change. In Romans 13:8, God says that I owe nothing to anyone-except for my obligation to love others. If I love others, then I will fulfill the requirements of Gods heart. I will become more like Him, genuinely.

I'm so thankful that He is breaking my self-destructive way of thinking...I'm so thankful that He is softening my heart...I'm so thankful that He is changing me into the woman He created me to be. I'm letting go of all the "things" that I've wanted for my life for so long and letting him start to drop in the desires He has for my life. Believing in and operating in Gods love is truly another world to me now. I know I will be tested, but I know He is engraving His words on my heart & helping me to change. Thankfully He has given me a perfect example to follow in Proverbs 31:10-31, to teach me how to run my home and how to operate in His love. I need to focus on love. Pursue it. Practice it. Study it. Grow up in it. The more I meditate on this passage and on His love and practice it in my daily life the more & more I will become the woman He wants me to be: loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle & self-controlled.

Rebuilding

It's amazing what God can show you when all you have is Him to turn to. When your world is shaken and you have nothing else to grasp hold of. Past "good places" you've been in before in your relationship with God just aren't enough to try and pick yourself back up to try to get you through this fall you're currently in. Yes, you have friends that love you and are making themselves available, that are actively reaching out to you...but even that's not enough. This time things are different. This time it's only God who's hands you can grab onto and have help you up. This time the only words that will cut it to carry you through this fall are the words God has been patiently waiting to share with you. When you are finally ready for them they will flood over you like a tsunami. The brunt of them are overwhelmingly powerful but in the aftermath His words and our spirit are working together to rebuild you and the blessings of them become divinely sweet.

The above is a definition of what has been going on in my world the past couple weeks along with the change in the season. My world has been shaken, but this time the only words that I know will cut it and truly get me back on my feet are the words God has been waiting to pour over me...now I'm finally in a place to be able to listen to Him...He's been speaking so many things into my heart this week, so I will only share a little bit...For those of you that know me and have walked with me through tough situations in life know that I'm a very proud person, so to share how God is cutting through my pride and humbling me isn't easy for me to put into words so just bear with me...

I have always thrived on a fast paced, "always moving forward to better places in life" type of road. I have been a stubborn headed strong willed woman with a confidence that couldn't be broken down. I have always loved to have fun and be the center of attention with a natural flare of seeming as though I don't even notice that I am the center of attention (if you could follow & understand that I commend you). Always carrying myself as someone that was untouchable and unbeatable. Head held high and a big smile planted on my face. Success (by the worlds standards) was something I had always craved on an ungodly level and in all the wrong areas of my life...until now.

I have always heard the scriptures about Gods love, and for most of us its the first topic you hear about when you first give your heart to God, or in my case rededicate your heart to Him. Gods word says that He is Love. It also says that when I give my heart to Him I am supposed to become like Him. When I made the personal decision to give myself to Him, I was accepting that responsibility of His calling on my life. Which means I needed to be willing to change in order to fulfill His calling. That's where it stopped for me. My heart was in the right place, but my mind was not in line with my heart. Since my mind wasn't there, I couldn't truly change. Sure, I got involved in church & serving to become connected with other believers and I was holding it together through some tough situations and hanging onto the words of many around me that I knew loved me and loved God...but my thoughts needed to be renewed (transformed-and that is something only God can do)...my mind wasn't connecting the dots between Gods love for me and that's the same love that He wanted me to walk in to truly be changed from my past life to what He has for me in the future. I still had this hard headed, success driven, untouchable/unbeatable, 'moving forward to better' type line of thinking. Also, thinking that soaking in 'all things positive' (scriptures, quotes, encouraging articles, etc.) would do the trick and keep me moving forward toward a successful life.

One morning last week I woke up really early and couldn't go back to sleep, so I started scrolling through my bible app and wasn't sure what to read. I saw Haggai. Never read it before...never even heard of it, so I chose that to read. I was in for a treat. God showed me exactly what I need to do in order begin the transformation process...I don't think it gets any more blunt than this. If you get a chance to read Haggai, please do, it's only 2 chapters but jam packed with great instruction & encouragement.

In Haggai 1 God is trying to shake their world by saying:

“Why are you living in luxurious houses while my house lies in ruins? ⁵ This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says: Look at what’s happening to you! ⁶ You have planted much but harvest little. You eat but are not satisfied. You drink but are still thirsty. You put on clothes but cannot keep warm. Your wages disappear as though you were putting them in pockets filled with holes! ⁷ “This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says: Look at what’s happening to you! ⁸ Now go up into the hills, bring down timber, and rebuild my house. THEN I will take pleasure in it and be honored, says the Lord."

In order to truly change, I need to rebuild this temple of the Lord (me). I need to lay a new foundation in my heart. I need to be strong for His spirit is with me, He has always promised to be with me. In rebuilding this temple (me) God says in Chapter 2 vs 9 that He will fill it with Glory. He says that the future glory of this temple will be greater than its past glory (completely new and fresh) and in this place He will bring peace. So by keeping my focus on Him and meditating on His word, God will not only be with me and help me to rebuild this temple and lay a new foundation in my heart, but He will make me greater than I was before. As a side note He reminds me in vs 15 to "look at what was happening to you before you began to lay the foundation of the Lords temple." I need to remember where I came out of and the poor choices I made...remember so that I don't fall into that same place of sin, that same line of thinking. After rebuilding this temple I don't want to turn around and destroy it again by making the same mistakes.

In vs 18 He says to think carefully and remember this day that I have chosen to commit to rebuilding His temple and laying a new foundation in my heart. In the next verse He says: "I am giving you a promise now while the seed is still in the barn. You have not yet harvested your grain...But from this day onward I will bless you...I will make you like a signet ring on my finger...for I have chosen you." I will have divine favor over me. He is setting everything into motion that needs to be in place in order for me to succeed!

I know it's easier said than done...It's hard to change old habits and the way I have always thought, but I know the more & more I meditate on His words, the more I'll be transformed. Once He has a solid foundation in my heart then He can work with me on becoming more like Him in nature. A topic that I will blog about in a few days. I'm thankful that I can move into the future non defensively knowing that He is here with me, guiding me on how to rebuild this temple for Him.

Stay Strong

Well....there are many things in life I'm very unsure of, but one I am absolutely sure of is God. No matter how hard things are, He's right here. Always. He certainly is my source of strength! Holding my head high as His Princess & continuing to press harder toward Him.

New Adventures

Sometimes you just have to jump!!

Taking on a new adventure of getting started as a fresh entrepreneur :O) Being a single mom, that can be mentally overwhelming at times BUT I know in my heart I'm doing what's right!! I will be introducing my new creations within the next month and I'm UBER excited about it. I choose to keep progressing and moving forward. I choose to expect the best of every opportunity that presents itself to me and I choose to keep working at it to succeed. I also choose to expect the best of everyone I encounter and to love them the way God wants me to. I choose to speak life & encouragement into others. Looking forward to what is ahead :O)

Favor a Child Craves

Mark 10:14-16

..."Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it." And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them.

Many of you know I have a little girl, Nicolette, and those of you who truly know she and I also know that she has always slept in her own bed since the first week I gave birth to her. Well I got the notion to turn her crib into a day bed for her to sleep in as a big girl does since she is already potty trained & needs to use the rest room at night. It didn't go as I had planned; the past month and a half my daughter, Nicolette, has been sleeping with me. Of which I have loved the snuggles with her, however, it's time for her to get back into her bed so Mommy can have a couple hours of quiet time before going to sleep.

I started the process this last Friday night (Feb 11th) and so far it has been an easier process than I thought it would be. I had visions of fighting with her to get her to stay in her bed for hours before her finally falling asleep! Nicely, she has proven those thoughts to be only "what if's" and nothing more :O) She has been waking up in the middle of the night to use the rest room and then getting into bed with me and sleeping with me the rest of the night (which I am perfectly fine with-it's the couple of hours of quiet time before I go to sleep that I like to myself). Friday night (Feb 11) it was 4 AM-ish-she came in and got into bed with me. She kept me up for about an hour tossing and turning before I got firm and told her to be still and quiet THEN she fell asleep. Saturday night (Feb 12) it was about 1:15 AM-ish-she came in and got into bed with me. She kept me up for about an hour tossing and turning before I got firm and told her to be still and quiet THEN she felll asleep. Sunday night (Feb 13) it was about 3:15 AM-ish-she came in and got into bed with me. She kept me up for about an hour & fourty-five minutes.

Sunday night was different however. She came in and it was the (now familiar) routine of tossing & turning and trying to get my attention. Me growing frustrated and wanting to get back to sleep, so on. Nicolette always lays to my right and anytime I try to turn to lay on my left side she softly whispers, "Mommy...mommy," and she very very VERY lightly touches my right cheek for me to turn to her. OR If I am laying on my back and turn my head to the left (which faces away from her) she does the same, "Mommy...mommy...mommy," and very very softly touches my cheek for me to turn to her. When she is close to snuggling in for the night she lays on her left side so that she is literally face to face with me (pretty much touching our noses together). And when she does this she does it SO gently and SO sincerely. Then she starts tossing & turning and the cycle goes on until I get firm and say to her be still and quiet. This night, however, was a little different. I was wide awake and for some reason just having a hard time MYSELF of being restless and couldn't get settled. At the same time, Nicolette was going through the same motions of wanting me to "scwatch-uh back, Mommy? Scwatch-uh back? Peas? Mommy?" Of which I would, and then she would start to ease into sleep then when I thought she would be falling asleep I'd turn to my left side to try and get settled for sleep and then the cycle would begin again...she would gently brush her fingers on my cheek to turn to her.

(there is a point to all of this I promise).

After this going on for almost two hours I was getting pretty frustrated...I was about to get firm and say to her to be still and quiet when God reminded me of the above scripture. It literally just popped into my head. " Now, I have heard this scripture SO many times through my life and I have always automatically put it in my mental "Faith" topic box. Right then I knew God was trying to show me something so I had to break it down.

It starts off with "Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God." It was literally as if God was stopping me from getting firm with her (verbally of course) and telling me "Let her come to you, show her your face, do not forbid her to try to get your attention and push her away by telling her to be quiet, do not cut off your supply of quality time with her just so you can go back to sleep. She wants to be comforted by you with your loving snuggle right now." As soon as I wrapped her up in my arms and was literally face to face with her the whole moment changed, she was still, she was at peace. We were both at peace.

The next part of the scripture is what I'm most familiar with, "Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it." This is the portion that I have always deemed as related to "Faith" only. However, He pointed out to focus on the last bit of the scripture, "And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them." Then the most amazing warmth and peace came over me. God showed me that, yes He wants us to have faith as a child does to believe that what He tells us is the truth and for our benefit and to accept His Word as a child trusts & accepts their parents words, BUT He wants us to CRAVE or to DESIRE His attention, His FAVOR, His BLESSING. The verse says that He wrapped them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them!! Children WANT that. They want to please us as parents. They want our praise and love. Just as Nicolette was craving my attention, to "scwatch-uh back", to be face to face, she was also wanting my favor on her and the peace of knowing I'm right there for her to bless her with the love she craves. She was lovingly brushing her fingers on my face for me to turn to her so she could receive the favor I have for her!! Do you see where I'm going with this?

God wants us to have faith like a child. He also wants us to desire/crave his favor as a child does. I don't want to just claim I have faith in God so I can get into heaven...I crave Gods personal favor over me! I crave His personal attention, His loving snuggles! I want that intimate love He has for me ALWAYS.

Am I making sense?? I hope I'm articulating this right. God is SO good. I am in awe that He has chosen to trust me with Nicolette's life to raise her and that He is teaching me to love and raise her the way He would!!

I had to share this...I hope this blesses you as much as it did me :O)